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Push-You-Pull-You: The Boundaried Self in Close Relationships

St. Jerome’s University, jrempel{at}uwaterloo.ca

Christopher T. Burris

St. Jerome’s University

Based on Amoebic Self Theory, the authors propose that the salience of different threats to the self affects the extent to which an intimate relationship partner is pushed away (excluded) or pulled closer (included). When social threat is salient among persons in relationships, it is hypothesized that partners will attempt to defuse the resulting sense of interpersonal vulnerability: offending partners may be pushed away, whereas offenders themselves may draw closer. When spatial-symbolic threat is salient and the relationship’s capacity to function as an identity marker is jeopardized, it is hypothesized that the partner—regardless of his or her role—will be pulled closer to maintain the perception that the relationship is secure. Self-report responses to hypothetical scenarios and perceptions of behaviors during a role-play were generally consistent with these hypotheses, suggesting that both an intimate partner and the relationship with that partner can be incorporated into the self.

Key Words: self • boundaries • threat • relationships

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